I was in bed thinking this morning… No. It has to back further than that. I was talking to this guy yesterday at a 4th of July picnic. I really appreciated the way he spoke and what he spoke about. It was very intelligent conversation and yet not at all snobbish. And I really appreciate that kind of conversation in a man (in women as well, but as a single female, I tend to notice more when men have it).  Anyway, last night I said to my sister that I really wanted to get to know more men like this and ultimately marry one. Then this morning I was in bed thinking how I didn’t know as much as I could reasonably know about politics or theology. But I want to know more! SO I thought then of all the books I could read to help me on my way to knowing more theology (especially). I’m sitting there thinking about what book I should read first when I notice my bible sitting on my bedside table. I go, “Huh. Maybe I’ll just pick that book up first.” Now I’m thinking, “Duh! You’re an idiot sometimes. Sheesh. Of course the bible should be my first choice.” So I picked up the bible and just opened it at random and it landed in the Old Testament so I flipped forward to the New Testament. The first paragraph my eye wandered to was Matthew 7:7-11.

7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

It really made me see that I was starting out the wrong way. I want to become more aware and knowledgeable of God and his attributes and desires, but I wasn’t starting with the center, God. I read that passage and it hit me like a ton of bricks. How often do I dance around as issue without saying exactly what it is that I want?  I do it because I don’t want to make the other person feel like they have to do what I want, and because I don’t want them to think badly of me. I know it doesn’t really make any sense, but that’s why I do it.  I think of talking to God that same way. But God will never think badly of me for asking him a question. I have already betrayed him in the worse way, and yet he forgave me. And God won’t ever do anything that isn’t good for me. I know that he would never do anything that he doesn’t want to do.  I don’t need to worry about anything with God. I know that he loves me, and that he will never desert me.  That’s a good feeling. The people around you will wrong you, hold grudges, die, but God will never do any of those things.

 

On a side note:  How should I get my hair cut on Tuesday? I’m thinking of getting it layered, but I need to make more of a decision before I go. It’s a little longer than shoulder length right now, and I don’t want it too short. I should look at pictures online.

:)